Pandas Don't Eat Shirts
by gingerOHHsnap
Summary: China decides to work at an Asian nail salon in America to earn some extra money, but what happens when a mysterious guest shows up? Minor Russia x China. Inspired by a true story.


**Title :: Pandas Don't Eat Shirts  
Warning :: Use of real country names.  
Genre :: Humour  
Disclaimer :: I would never in my life claim to own an entire country, none the less two. The characters based off of China and Russia are entirely belonging to Hetalia crew.**

He knew he was in here. He wasn't sure _why _he was, but he knew.

The young woman at the front desk stared at the customer with a funny look on her face, trying to figure out what to do. After a moment, she simply nodded and turned towards the back of the room anxiously. There were several empty chairs, so she couldn't exactly turn him away. She sighed in discomfort, much like Yao often did, and turned back with the smile she'd had earlier. It was much more fearful and strained this time around. She wasn't exactly sure how a giant panda had wandered into their nail salon, but she didn't like it.

"Ah, of course, s-sir. Just take a seat over there." She pointed to an empty chair at the far corner of the room. As Ivan nodded and began to bound towards it, she placed a hand on her heart. "Y-Yao, there's a pa-- customer, here to see you!!"

"Me, aru?" Yao said, coming out of a back corner with a washcloth. "That's weird… No one really knows I'm working here, who is--"

His eyes landed on the panda next to him, sitting in the chair he'd been assigned rather rigidly with his feet up on the stand. The panda waved lightly and China felt himself go pale. W-What?? He'd expected maybe America to be here, or someone like Korea who'd found him and wanted to torture him…. but a _panda?_ What on earth…..? He shot a look at the woman from the desk that read something along the lines of 'why on earth did you let him in?', but then smiled amiably. He supposed he liked pandas….Maybe his bear family back at home missed him on his trip?

_Aru…but I don't recognize this panda._ He thought, running the images of all his furry friends in his mind. _He's rather big…isn't he? Aru…I wonder how he got to America…_

"Ah, hello, aru." He greeted the panda, smiling hesitantly and sitting in the chair in front of the luxurious nail-care recliner. He looked at the slip telling him what pedicure had been purchased. He blinked a bit as he turned on the water and began to rub the feet of the panda. They were...furry, and sort of stiff. Also, they were kind of paws…so it was a bit strange touching them, but he supposed even pandas liked to relax. He skipped the usual skin oil he used on feet and grabbed some pet shampoo they kept for particularly hairy humans. He supposed this was a good way to use it instead.

After thoroughly washing and trimming the paw's fur and claws, China pulled out the closest nail polish to him. He looked up at the panda, then back at the bottle. Yes, peek-a-boo pink should suit him quite nicely. As he began to spread the gloss awkwardly onto the panda's feet, he supposed he might as well make conversation.

"Y-You know, I'm only in America for a little while, aru." he said, delicately painting the bear's nails. "I'm just here to make a bit of money and help out the salon, aru. But it's sweet that you missed me enough to come here."

"Ah, you think so, da?"

Yao dropped the polish and flushed. His face turned whiter than the fur on the panda as that thick, accented voice struck out from the panda. There was no way-- Why would he-- _How _did he_ -- Yao felt sick._ How on earth hadn't he realized it? The giant size, the mysterious travel conditions, the _zipper??_

"Yao? Oh, Yaoo? My feets are getting very cold, da?" Ivan's voice barely cut through as Yao's color completely left him and he fainted, falling face first into the water he'd been washing Ivan's feet in.

--- _flashback ---_

He had to admit, sneaking into America as Russia was a lot harder than getting in in a giant Panda suit. People asked less questions. Besides, it was kind of hard to strip-search a panda, wasn't it? Exactly. Russia had made it through the border with ease. Every time someone got suspicious, he simply sat down and began chewing a stick of bamboo. Now was the hard part, though… finding _him_.

Ivan had heard a rumor from a very reliable source. He'd overheard his dear Lithuanian talking on the phone, and according to Poland, young Italy had heard from Japan that he'd seen China sneak into America with a box of _something_ . It sounded like a confusing game of telephone, but it was enough of a lead to alarm the tall Russian. China was sneaking around behind _his_ back to _America. _Something had to be done.

Now, sure, China had asked him the last time he'd been found stalking him _not_ to follow him around dressed as a panda…. but what else was he supposed to dress as??? Yao was obviously not thinking himself through when he said that, and if he simply realized that a dragon costume would be utterly ridiculous for Russia to wear then he would understand. These were the events that lead to Ivan's current situation. Ivan's violet eyes, masked by the giant nose of a plush panda suit, were gazing up at the address he'd hammered out of Alfred's security men. His tactics were very effective, (being threatened by a giant panda would be enough to get information out of anyone) and the men told him to go to the Asian Fusion Nail Salon down the street.

Walking into the salon was uneventful-- for Ivan, that is. The smell of polishes and potpourri filled the costume around him, and the paw he raised to his face tried fruitlessly to block his cough from those around him. At the sudden noise, a slender Chinese woman turned around and faced the desk, a cheerful smile on her face.

"Ah, sorry for that sir. How can I help you, aru--AAH!!" The woman shrieked at the sight of the giant panda and dropped the bottle of crimson polish in her hand. Her hand still shaking, she didn't know what to do. Ivan simply looked at her and tilted his head.

"Yao is here, da? I would very much like a pedicure."

_---- end of flashback ---_

China's eyes opened slowly to reveal the bright lights above him shining through his wet eye lashes. The smell of soap and polish entered his nose and he shook his head a bit, the throbbing veins within it screaming in protest. Groaning a bit, Yao looked around him. No panda…. Thank god, it must have been a strange dream. He must have breathed in too many fumes from the polish. Since this was his first day here he wasn't used to it, he supposed. The only question was…. why was he in a chair now, and who was touching his feet?

"Ah, you aren't dead. That is good, da? My flight ticket was not wasted." Ivan looked up at him from the salon chair, holding one of his feet by the big toe. China felt his heart rush and his face flush. Wh-What on earth… He looked over to see what at first he thought to be the dead carcass of a panda. He jumped a bit, but slowly realized it was just the discarded suit. Beneath him was the infamous white-haired Russian, rubbing oil all over his feet as they spoke.

"I-Ivan!!! A-Aru, yo-yo-you said you wouldn't follow me around anymore…!!! W-Why are you here, aru???" China's face was furiously red as he took in his surroundings. Ivan had better not have come here to twist information out of him, or worse, try _again_ to convert him to communism. As much as China resented it, his people were beginning to start acting on Ivan's Soviet influence.

"Mmm, for a pedicure. It is your turn now." Russia said, massaging the Chinese man's feet with a rough but oddly relaxing force. Yao blushed a bit at this, and looked at himself.

"I-Ivan… why are my nails painted _red_…?" He asked suspiciously, looking at his fingers with a wary eye.

"Mmmm… that was the panda." Ivan said innocently, continuing to mindlessly rub China's feet. Yao looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Right…aru." He said with disdain. He looked down at his comrade's hands, which were slowly moving up his leg. "And w-why are my legs _shaved_??" He said, shooting an angry look at the Slavic.

"Ah, that was the panda too." The man said with a smile on his face. Yao frowned furiously and leaned back, his eyes closed in frustration. He didn't notice Ivan stand up and walk behind him.

"Of course, aru…and what abou--Ahh!" Yao's back arched as he felt a pair of cold hands touch his bare shoulders and begin rubbing. Yao was at first just surprised, but then turned around with a strike of his head at Ivan.

"A-And did the panda take my _shirt_ too???" He asked, his face darkening in color even further. Ivan thought a moment, placing a finger on his chin.

"Da." He said, innocently rubbing the man's shoulders once again. "The panda got hungry, hm?"

Everyone in the salon suddenly cringed and looked towards the back of the store as Yao shouted. Anyone who happened to walk by (and by coincidence, a party of the rest of the Allies was walking by the store at this very moment) they would hear the very strange words coming from China's mouth.

"_PANDAS DON'T EAT SHIRTS, ARU!!!!"_

_**A/N :: This was based off of something that happened to me recently. Yesterday, I was walking in a mall when I passed an Asian nail salon. Casually looking into the window, I saw a giant stuffed panda sitting in one of the chairs with its head staring right at me. I was scared out of my mind, because the first thing I'd thought upon seeing it was Ivan. I hope you enjoyed the brainchild of that little anecdote, and would like to apologize for any OOCness in the story. I don't often write for Russia/China, but I hope you enjoyed in anyway. c: **  
_


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